Today, i cried my eyes out on the phone because he said he thinks it is a waste of time if we talk on the phone… While we should be smth more useful.
That statement really put me in a deep deep thought.
The feeling caused by it is actually nothing new.. I recognise it very well
He blocked me on whatsapp. Twice.
I first thought that it had smth to do with me blocking him on facebook, which was done solely from my insecurity. He defriended me there because i have some guys he doesnt like.
He is treating me like before again….
I asked if he meant the words he told me a few months ago, he said he doesnt remember.
Yes that hurts me…..
I want to love and be loved.
It is a choice, i get it.
Wish me luck~
I guess this might gonna make me labeled as a romantic hopeless.
It’s been 4 months since I gave you another chance.
Another chance to appreciate the person who loved you as fcuk,
another chance to capture my heart permanently….
The first 2 months was amazing. You were a diff guy. It was not easy to believe that you could be that good guy with almost all the best of personality traits.
Which was the reason why I was willing to give it another try.
You had a great lifestyle, healthy, exercising, was so humble, was going to church, was socializing, very positive.
You surely wowed me.
You treated me in the great way of which i have always expected you to do.
You gave me flowers, took me to dinners, took me on a date, sent me sweetest messages.
Then I supposed you sensed that I was starting to melt.
That’s when you kinda getting back to your old track.
You starting to sleep late again, did not treat me as great as you did the first time, let me sleep although i was cranky, and more.
I thought it was kind of ok, until last night…… When i told you abt my parents fighting, you did not say or do much… I was expecting you to call me right away or send me comforting messages…. Which would have been very nice… As i needed it.
You did not reply until 12AM, saying that you did not notice your phone was off earlier.
I wondered what were you busy doing…..
What did distract you so much that you did not even do anything to ‘my parents are fighting’ messages. Sorry, correction, you did say that you felt sorry that my day ended like that. After you ignored me 2 hours. During critical hours.
This morning i saw on facebook that you were online 7hours ago. Which was 5AM.
I was not very happy seeing it.
I tried to contact you, your phone was off.
And a few mins ago, you finally sent me line messages. None of phone calls you made.
I am gonna analyse this matter. And if i do not feel comfortable with what you had done last night n this morning, I cannot be quite but do smth to this of course.
Happy relationship is what I am aiming. If doesnt make me happy, i’d rather be alone.
You feel me?
Gotta clean the room, have a peaceful day:)
12:19pm, my room, Bekasi.
Why do i feel so empty lately…?
I could barely go thru one day without feeling senseless.
I was a happy girl 1 month ago..
But smth happened after started working.. Either that my head and body reject the consequences from working (commuting bekasi - jakarta with those polluted air) or it is because of getting back together w him or because haven’t gone to church.
I am gonna figure it out and find solution
I’ve gotta back to that state of mind. The happy one.
- 7:49pm, at Soekarno international Airport, waiting for him~
"Do you believe that we’ve got what it takes" ujarnya – Preview it on Path.
At SMA 81 – See on Path.